Who am I? I am Rafoie! But who... is Rafoie?

A very complicated question with many answers. I am sure we have all tried to explain our selves to someone else or even to our self in our own time of self-reflections. So I will try to explain my self to, you, my readers. I will explain who I am as best I can...

In the simplest parts of my existence I am a Human. An animal, as a human we are animals at the core. We have needs for survival and wants, we acquire our needs and wants in our own means and methods. I am gay. We all have our own styles, this is my approach. Many ask me "Why are you gay?" I wish to state, that's not so easy to say. It appeals to me... Can you tell me why you are straight or bi or even pan? I'm sure you could in time, or give some silly answer. But in your core you too are not so sure, right? How can we ever be sure when confronted with a question we do not dwell on? We can't. So what is my take on religion? Am I part of any religious affiliation? No. I am not. But I am not an atheist. I am in the technical sense I do not believe in a god. But I believe in a web of nature. We are all tied together. I can not pick a flower on earth with out effecting a star in the sky. Nature is a balance of powers, a give and a take. I am a pagan if you wish to label me with some religious term.

So who is "Rafoie"? Rafoie is me. I am Rafoie. It is an online alias, my pen name if you will. Where did my journey begin? Way back when, back when I was unaware of this vast space. I knew of it, but I was not fully aware of what this realm of data held. I started entering the Online gaming scene heavily with Ragnarok Online. I previously dinked around on IRC, forums, websites, submission sites, MSN chat rooms and MSN groups. I was around 10-12 when I got into all of this. I remember I frequented an irc channel known as #PSOW. I recently hunted it down, about a few months ago to see if it was still around. I was feeling very reminesent that day. It was on irc.efnet servers. I found out it is gone. The channel is debunked, empty, and not even in the servers data. I joined and was awarded an Op for creating it. So now I know they are gone. I give much of my alias creation to these early stages. I learned the multiple architypes of the net. I learned when to be serious, when to laugh, when to poke fun. My times with psow were good. The people in there were fun but serious. One could call them elitist if they did not adhere to their set of rules or some of their standards. Like text chat was looked down upon, back then AOL chat room talk... Why type u when you could type you and make more sense and look better? They didn't use lol but they did use heh. They said heh and were rebelious to the "rise of lol". I remember these days far too well in the back of my mind. I watch my past as if one would watch an old movie, flickering dimly. My times in PSOW were good, I learned a lot of the ways of the internet in there and around other chat channels. I learned the basics of IRC back then, a skill not many bother to learn today. I've worked on it over the days. I still frequent certain servers and channels.

My history of gaming is far too wide. So many games, so many betas, so many people... There are a few people in my past who stick out but have faded due to time. I sign into my old MSN account... Many old names appear to me. Denadune, Skaal, Miiru, Sifu, Theik, Muuwi/Turtle89, skogsmulle, Maison, LordWolf. ... Isildur, MrMan, Idandt... and that list goes on for a ways. People come and people go. Why they vanished, I have no idea. I know the story of a few... Skaal. Sifu, Miiru. A few I have no idea where they went: isildur, Mrman, theik, Lordwolf. I can not say... They vanished one day, never to hear from them again. Then there is the current list of people I talk to, which I feel is slowly disappearing too... But I owe a part of my self to everyone I meet. Their ideals mix with my own. My personalities can't be taken from a single one, but a merge of many. Expirimenting with their ideas, toying with my own, viewing their worlds to my own. Helping them and being helped back... or being backstabbed back. Which ever it is, how ever it is... I am this way now due to my history not my future.

If I was to bullet point events in my Online Life... I guess I could.
-The Rise of IRC, -Ragnarok and my Entering of the MMORPG world, -The Age of MSN Groups, -The Golden Age of a Beta Hopper, -Ragezone, -yahoo, -Xfire, -gmail, -The One-Sided Love Fiasco, -The Shattered Raf (current stage.)
The games I dwelled on the longest are some of my fonder internet memories...Ragnarok, Mu, Knight Online, FungWan Online, Risk Your Life, Rising Force, Lineage 2, Tabula Rasa, Conquer Online, Priston Tale, Diablo 2, Guild Wars, World of Warcraft, Final Fantasy 11... and more. But those stand out in my mind.

It is a very odd feeling to look back into ones past. To see how we developed, watching our own navigation. The people, the places, the problems, the solutions, our knowledge. The titles I once wore and thrown away. The people I once considered friends... Now distant memories. The knowledge I have aquired... It is odd. My regreats and my triumphs. Times of stability and then instability. The road has been weird. Now I am 19, my developement as a person has been aided by this world and the denizens of it. The data stored away beyond the links. A click to unlock it. My eyes to take it in... and my mind to comprehend it. My actions to excercise it.

This is Rafoie, This is me. Make of it what you will... and I welcome you to my little corner of the metaverse. Welcome travelers of this land...